I must admit that as the days are going by this engagement is becoming a little more tough. It's an obvious fact that within a year people change a considerable amount! When I only see him once a month it's tough to express these changes and even more so when I don't understand them either.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about how I'll adjust when I'm in a completely different city, away from anyone and everyone I know and love and a completely different job. These factors in and of themselves have a HUGE impact on a person and I know they will with me! It's taken me almost three years to feel confident in Lethbridge and build a core group of friends I can rely on and people I feel I can be myself around and just enjoy life. I've built a single girl world here...and it's in this city that I've sort of figured out how to be more confident and be more open but like I said it took a lot of time.
Now the BIGGEST of all the changes will be that I'm going to be MARRIED and living with him...everyday! How will living a single life in a place where i don't see you but once a month. I say single life because honestly often I feel like it espically because I miss the weekly interaction and getting to know each other not just on a random weekend....I miss having dates and just hanging out but also doing things together...building that team and figuring out a bit more how we'll creat ....us.
I'm very scared because less then 4 months from now everything I've ever figured out for myself, everything I've built and feel safe in will be gone.
Talk about change!
Talk about me changing in all over again....I don't know who I'll be when I go up there...I don't know how I'll react to situations that excite me, frustrate me or sadden me.
It's easy to say "God will take care of it" and I truly believe he will but at the same time I can't just ignore it and not have a plan.
And what frightens me is that I don't know how to make a plan for my future now....I don't konw this city, the people, the life I'll have.
Here teaka lets take everything you've ever understood or established and just drop them. You can start all over again right?!
...all over again.