Funny how life changes and you can feel something isn't the same as it use to be but suddenly you look back and realize nothing is the way it use to be...and obviously nothing will ever come back to it.
Life in Lethbridge has definitely been something wonderful for me...and maybe that's why I'm becoming so unsure about why I'm really leaving. It took me awhile to ground myself in this city and to build the relationship I have, and from that I built other friendships and had exeriences that I wont ever forget. I grew to learn a lot about myself and then....after I figured I knew myself I discovered that I knew nothing. What I did learn is that Lethbridge is a city where I grounded many relationships on people who come and go. There's not much family to keep you steady and a lot of young people trying to "discover" themselves and have people love them. In this city I surrounded myself with people who liked to socalize and in fact that seemed to be the one and only thing they did...and so I too became that. I went out most evenings with a friend or to hang out with people and when I had no plans I felt like I wasn't trying hard enough...apparently I had to be with people all the time. Even though I was honestly exhausted I did enjoy myself! I met MANY people and lost contact with so many more and the cycle would just flow, make a friend, loose contact with them because you're trying to make even more friends. It's like I couldn't get enough...but I loved it.
I don't think it was till last year that I things started to really change and up to today I feel still exhausted from trying to get to know so many people on a deep level...it's kind of draining. So this is what I've decided for myself. One must have a that small group of solid friends in their life too keep their minds fresh with all the perspectives out there. Thats what friends are for...to bring you out of your own bubble and get you involved in caring about others around you. But honestly to have more then 6 or more of these at one time can be (and at least this is for me) ...can be overwhelming. I don't have time to keep up with every single person on a regular bases and as much as I tried to push relationships and dig deeper for a long lasting friend I think I've learned that there are only a couple....2 in my life who are friends I'll forever know will be apart of my life. I have a handful of VERY close girls who I love and adore spending time with and I know we'll keep in contact for a long time when I leave but I won't be devistated if over a few years we get caught up with our own lives and build those new relationships. All other people are wonderful to have in life but I'm not going to attach myself to them. People move on...and so do friendships....I'm just happy I have the gals i do have in my life! :)