I found this today on an old blog site I guess I forgot about. I wrote it some time in November of last year so I guess it's really not all that old. But I found it interesting and completely true....well at least for my life. But i thought I'd share it....even thought there really are a lot of spelling mistakes...ah well.
"Being completely absorbed in my schooling I guess hasn’t given me much time to pursue other goals and passions except my piano. It seems to be my main love, even though I have zero skill I can’t help being passionate about this musical instrument. What’s the point of being excellent at something or at a lot of things if there is not life to it? I dream of having more passion in all that I do. In every situation I’m in I wan to put all my fervor in it because all that is assigned or asked of me should always be done with God in mind. Yet I find this difficult many times, actually a lot. How simple life would be if all we had on our minds was pleasing God. Not in works but with our lives as surrendered lives. Surely God could fill us with more passion than we could ever express with our own desires. He’s so much greater, fuller, life filled express touched. I went to a book store this evening to…well buy a book…for the soul purpose of expanding my knowledge in something, anything really. If just figured if I found a topic, I read about it, practiced it than maybe there would be more to me. As if I need something more to myself so that I’ll feel smarter more impressive yet I left empty handed. Do you know why…well it was closing time, but also because my passion was not within any of those pages. I tried. I mean I seriously looked for something, from World History, philosophy, musical talent, film& photography, fashion, travel, arts to basically everything under the sun, but my passion could not be found. But of course you can’t just expect to buy an identity for $34.95, read about it in a month and vola you have begun a new passion. But I truthfully wish this was true.
“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have, from God, and you are not your own?” 1 Cor. 6:19
I guess I’m realizing that even though I personally don’t feel like I’m accomplishing much this does not matter. I am not my own, my passions and desires are not my own nor are they not my identity and neither are other people built on their skills and interest. God gives me desires but can just as easily change them and direct my life onto another road. I’m scared that tomorrow I’ll be asked to begin a new desire and leave my current passions aside…cause I believe in my head that this is all I got. In my head I only see my worth through my passion, therefore the more passion I have the higher quality life I have. But it’s not about passion, is it? Passion changes, desire get redirected, and life moves on but God has always got his hand on your life…. I am not my own nor should I strive to create myself. God knows what He is doing!"